Repression cloud appeared and lingered in the mind sky alittle while ago.
The clear blue sky watched the Repression cloud and echoed that this one is worth capturing.
Repress, Abstain
Restrict, Avoid
Human instinct and nature is the hardest to repress. A DNA coded response. Specifically speaking, let's say its the case of sexual repression whether its sexual unconventionality; addictionality, or self-imposed restrictionality.
A impossibly possibility, a possibily impossibility, an angonizing difficulty.
If I were to write this some time ago in history, I would not quite understand how to look at this knotty (coincidental pun) tangle.
Personally, I file this as just another case of Duality and Extremes.
Rewinding back my personal history, I spotted some choices (conscious or subconsciously) where I had zipped to side B of the Extreme scale because I found I didn't like or couldn't handle side A. I was relieved and happy to be in side B because it was the side effects of being in side B wasn't as bad as those in side A.
Little did I realize not long ago that those many years ago when I subconsciously decided to switched to side B that the side effects have compounded and trickled through the years, buried beneath undetected.
That is the nature of taking Extremes.
Out of the 2 Ends of Extremes, we prefer one.
For those of us who are not yet trained to be self-aware, mind-aware, thought-aware, live and think through our body - understandably don't see any reason for rooting for the preferred Extreme.
For those of us who have even thought a little further and have tried to look at it honestly, know the trending of the mind.
If being in this Extreme is not wrong then there would be nothing wrong with being Extreme in this area; another; and that, since they are all the same type.
And then we have the Preferral Withdrawal Extreme.
Somehow someone or someway we have a reason to Not go for the Preferred Extreme.
So we Withdraw and thereby going into the Negation Extreme.
Negation Extreme is tricky. We would hardly be able to detect the issues it is concocting.
In my view, that is why the Buddha did not realise that going to the Pain Extreme was also as wrong as the Pleasure Extreme until the side effects of it erupted and caused the Buddha to faint from lack of nutrition (sincere apologies for not being able to quote the reference of this incident.. please do your own verification...)
Achieving and Reaching that perfect act of Middleness is I find not something we just jump from either Preferred Extreme or Negated Extreme.
Middleness is achieved through a succession of sustained and calibrated waves.
Calibration allows for the honest self-determined benchmark measurement.
Sustained allows for the "Effect-follow through" of the Cause.
Succession allows for the continued supply of the Cause.
Imbue these three, and we slowly make the way from from the Intensity of Extremes to the Neutrality Middlesness.
If you're positively speaking - ambitious and negatively speaking - impatient minded like me, you would question on the need to ride the waves when you might be able to fly or teleport from Preferred Extreme or Negated Extreme to Middleness.
It doesn't work that way. It works through some kind of stages.
In between there has to be some Rapture, some piti, some geinuine happiness, joy, delight that support and fuel those Calibrated, Sustained, Succession of Waves.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 30, 2012
Energy and being awake
I'm "obsessed" with Energy for awhile now. I may sound mad but I'm just partly obsessed. There are a few relations to Energy that's been floating around in my head and subconscious.
How Energy can be scattered and focused/concentrated
How physcial Energy can be drained and retained
How mental Energy can be unutilized and over utilized
How physcial Energy affects mental Energy
How the utilization of mental Energy affects physical Energy
How to obtain Energy intravenous by physcial and mental means
How to optimize the utilization of Energy
And i dont just wonder, usually i do as well...too much action oriented. Too often i just want to be doing something, anything. Too imptient and too fast to act but it's something i'm not able to change yet. I just can't sit and wait... doing nothing.... or waiting for the right time.... (argh!) Wish i have the capability to create Big Bang effect, right planning right action right words right time right place right situation. I think i dont plan at all most of the time. I only plan to survive a crisis senario and i realize i do very well at crisis management. Less for the long planning actions unless i take each day and each short term as a crisis..hmm.......
So while being greatly concerned about these aspects of Energy, I recognize that I have to tolerate and compromise where necessary. Or maybe I'm just not firm enough. So anyway, Energy has been quite high in my priority that I dreaded going down to meet a couple of friends for dinner. I was very happy that it was arranged just for dinner only. Even during the dinner, I was quite concerned that my dear friend was relating a story of how this girl and her quarrel over whatsapp and how someone and someone and someone planned for a trip to Tibet (interesting!!!!!) and over something argue and did something and something and someone decided to go somewhere less interesting (no brain trigger here). Unfortuantely I'm not friend-pleaser enough to encourage the conversation. And since another friend is carrying on the conversation, I was happy to stay silent. In my mind i'm thinking that i already treasured the friendship enough to come down to that place and spend an entire evening. When i could be at home myself doing something productive. If not productive then at least something that is both non productive and energy consuming.
I'm not cruel and inflexible, i just know what is good for me.
Careful not to get into the everything must be good for me though.
But ever since I've been on Energy Alert, have been waking at 3+am almost everyday. Even when i only sleep at near 2am. I'll check the time on the phone and try to calculate if it's a permuation of Devil's time. 3:33 (3+3=6?) or 3:12 (3+1+2=6?) or 3:03 (3+0+3=6??) For a split sec i'll wonder what will be appropriate to do at that time and couldn't find a good enough activity that's pleasing to me except to sleep and wake at 6+7 again.
So there i've found myself another one to solve... what do i want to do at 3+am .
How Energy can be scattered and focused/concentrated
How physcial Energy can be drained and retained
How mental Energy can be unutilized and over utilized
How physcial Energy affects mental Energy
How the utilization of mental Energy affects physical Energy
How to obtain Energy intravenous by physcial and mental means
How to optimize the utilization of Energy
And i dont just wonder, usually i do as well...too much action oriented. Too often i just want to be doing something, anything. Too imptient and too fast to act but it's something i'm not able to change yet. I just can't sit and wait... doing nothing.... or waiting for the right time.... (argh!) Wish i have the capability to create Big Bang effect, right planning right action right words right time right place right situation. I think i dont plan at all most of the time. I only plan to survive a crisis senario and i realize i do very well at crisis management. Less for the long planning actions unless i take each day and each short term as a crisis..hmm.......
So while being greatly concerned about these aspects of Energy, I recognize that I have to tolerate and compromise where necessary. Or maybe I'm just not firm enough. So anyway, Energy has been quite high in my priority that I dreaded going down to meet a couple of friends for dinner. I was very happy that it was arranged just for dinner only. Even during the dinner, I was quite concerned that my dear friend was relating a story of how this girl and her quarrel over whatsapp and how someone and someone and someone planned for a trip to Tibet (interesting!!!!!) and over something argue and did something and something and someone decided to go somewhere less interesting (no brain trigger here). Unfortuantely I'm not friend-pleaser enough to encourage the conversation. And since another friend is carrying on the conversation, I was happy to stay silent. In my mind i'm thinking that i already treasured the friendship enough to come down to that place and spend an entire evening. When i could be at home myself doing something productive. If not productive then at least something that is both non productive and energy consuming.
I'm not cruel and inflexible, i just know what is good for me.
Careful not to get into the everything must be good for me though.
But ever since I've been on Energy Alert, have been waking at 3+am almost everyday. Even when i only sleep at near 2am. I'll check the time on the phone and try to calculate if it's a permuation of Devil's time. 3:33 (3+3=6?) or 3:12 (3+1+2=6?) or 3:03 (3+0+3=6??) For a split sec i'll wonder what will be appropriate to do at that time and couldn't find a good enough activity that's pleasing to me except to sleep and wake at 6+7 again.
So there i've found myself another one to solve... what do i want to do at 3+am .
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Existentiality
Existential dissatisfaction
Existential questioning
Existential perplexity
Existential Worst case vs Best case vs Likely case analysis
Existential acceptance
Existential commitment
Existential Best case attempt
Existential semi-drudgery
Existential semi-anxiety
Existential semi-depression
Existential re-optimism
Existential Best case re-attempt
Existential forgetfulness
Existential reminder
Existential Best case re-energizer
Existential understanding
Existential Best case re-re-energizer
Existential understanding refinement
Existential issues and my personal solution of process and reprocessing of it occurred many times and since many years ago again and again.. even after happy experiences but just knowing there is no point to it all.. being back to where it was square one, not being the ultimate happiness hence the superficiality of this happiness hence the lack of meaning in this happiness.. reaffirmed by many ultimate truths and projections. Since we can't choose to exist or not to exist. Just gotto make the best of it.
Problem comes in the infused and induced confusion, doubt, perplexity in defining how to make the best of it or if the best is feasible or if a Perceived best is a Real best in the first place or at all; or if average/basic requirements/contentment will settle the job of creating meaning and objective in Existential Futility and if something average that does the job just fine then what is the measure of Worth of the Experience of Existance.
Is this meansure of Worth quantifiable externally and internally?
"Conventional wisdom holds that each individual defines the good life for himself, according to his own tastes and convictions. "
"Neutrality, however, is a myth. A state that is "neutral" between the desire for more food and the desire for a more elaborate car simply perpetuates the logic of insatiability. "
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/jul/23/consumerism-good-life-economic-system?newsfeed=true
Existential questioning
Existential perplexity
Existential Worst case vs Best case vs Likely case analysis
Existential acceptance
Existential commitment
Existential Best case attempt
Existential semi-drudgery
Existential semi-anxiety
Existential semi-depression
Existential re-optimism
Existential Best case re-attempt
Existential forgetfulness
Existential reminder
Existential Best case re-energizer
Existential understanding
Existential Best case re-re-energizer
Existential understanding refinement
Existential issues and my personal solution of process and reprocessing of it occurred many times and since many years ago again and again.. even after happy experiences but just knowing there is no point to it all.. being back to where it was square one, not being the ultimate happiness hence the superficiality of this happiness hence the lack of meaning in this happiness.. reaffirmed by many ultimate truths and projections. Since we can't choose to exist or not to exist. Just gotto make the best of it.
Problem comes in the infused and induced confusion, doubt, perplexity in defining how to make the best of it or if the best is feasible or if a Perceived best is a Real best in the first place or at all; or if average/basic requirements/contentment will settle the job of creating meaning and objective in Existential Futility and if something average that does the job just fine then what is the measure of Worth of the Experience of Existance.
Is this meansure of Worth quantifiable externally and internally?
"Conventional wisdom holds that each individual defines the good life for himself, according to his own tastes and convictions. "
"Neutrality, however, is a myth. A state that is "neutral" between the desire for more food and the desire for a more elaborate car simply perpetuates the logic of insatiability. "
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/jul/23/consumerism-good-life-economic-system?newsfeed=true
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