Seal or Owl

Day 2 with Dzigar Kongtrul's Light Comes Through

"In Tibet They say there is a lake where, during a particular full moon each year, the seal-like creatures who live there gather fish in their mouths and offer them up to hordes of owls who hover in the trees above, waiting to eat. There is no apparent reason for the seals to offer the fish other than the fact that the owls seem to expect it. As the story goes, the seals gain nothing from offering the fish, and the owls are never satisfied. So, they say, since there is no obvious reason for this dynamic to be as it is, “it must be lenchak.”

The lenchak dynamic has two sides: the seal side and the owl side. If we are the seal, we feel an unspoken emotional responsibility for someone else’s mind and well-being. We feel pulled toward this person as if they have a claim on us. It’s a strong visceral experience, and we have a physical reaction to it: the phone rings and we check our caller ID—it’s “the owl.” We should pick it up, but we are overcome by a strong wave of anxiety and repulsion, as if we are being attacked by our own nervous system. We brace ourselves for a problem or a strong emotional download. As much as we want to detach ourselves from this person, we can’t break loose; it’s as if they have captured us, and there’s no escape— checkmate! Of course, this is not the case. In truth we are held hostage by our own attachment, guilt, and inability to resist the pain that comes from feeling unreasonably responsible for them. On one hand, we can’t bear watching the owl struggle. On the other hand, we can’t let go. This dynamic brings us down; it makes us lose our luster as human beings.

Meanwhile, the owl is never satisfied, no matter how many fish the seal tries to feed it. Of course, when caught in the owl syndrome we don’t see it in this way. We feel neglected, isolated, and weak. The reason for this is that we are depending on someone else in hopes that they will manage our fears. We have so many unspoken demands, although we often express these demands in a meek and needy way. The owl syndrome reduces us to a childlike state. We begin to question whether or not we can do things on our own, and we lose confidence in our ability to face our mind and emotions. Interestingly, the owl—so frail, needy, and insecure—is not necessarily as feeble as it seems to be. In fact, the owl has the upper hand. It’s a little manipulative, if you want to know the truth. The owl just doesn’t want to clean up its own mess. This is a privileged attitude. If the owl couldn’t afford to be weak—if it didn’t have the seal—it would naturally rise to its own challenges.

The irony of this dynamic is that, in most cases, the more fish the seal offers the owl, the more resentful, demanding, and dissatisfied the owl gets. For both the seal and owl, this kind of dependence and expectation gives way to a lot of ugliness. At work we may have to hold our tongues and swallow what our boss has to say, but there is no holding back with our loved ones. We let our guard down and allow ourselves to get ugly, spreading our web of ego anxieties all over the place. It’s true, the seal may temporarily pacify the owl, but no mutual respect arises from this kind of arrangement. And in truth, isn’t it respect that we want most of all? Everyone wants love and care, but, more than these, human beings want respect for who they are. Even an enemy can respect another enemy. There is a sense of human dignity in this. "

Stupidity

Day 1 with Dzigar Kongtrul's Light Comes Through

Stupidity issn't a familiar attribute among the unwholesome list of attributes, but it is the opposite of being wise. To be wise is being able to differentiate what's good and bad, understanding the situation and knowing how to act accordingly.

Few are wise, and being wise is correctly associated with age as with lots of age gone by you will be able to see with your own eyes the results of earlier causes.

"While ignorance is simply the state of not knowing, stupidity is the dull state of mind that allows us to repeat the same thing over and over again despite its negative conseqquences...

Stupidity is a mind on cruise control. A mind enveloped in stupidity is copletely oblivious to the laws of cause and effect, seed and fruit. It doesn't connect happiness with the causes of happiness or suffering with the causes of suffering.

....And we don't often question whether or not this (structuring our lives around wealth and power) fulfills our intention for happiness, because we are consumed by our immediate needs....

Stupidity becomes a standard for us in this way.

....the suffering of stupidity is there in all of us. Ut is everywhere. Whereever we look, there it is in everyone's life. This is something very large. We're talking about billions of people suffering because their actions don't meet their intention for happiness."